The Eighth Page

The Eighth Page Presents: Unathletic Kid ‘Super Hyped’ For Snyder Center Opening

In anticipation of the Snyder Center opening, Percy “Get that Kid Out of Here” McWedgen ’19 reports that he is “more excited than his sable ferret Daniel at dress-up time” for the new sports facility to open its doors. Percy, who has participated solely in LIFE sports at Andover, is most excited about the new indoor track, on which he plans to set new power walking records and hold high-stakes underground ferret races.
McWedgen, who describes himself as Andover athletics’ biggest fan, has performed many titillating feats of athleticism in his time, including placing third in a Zumba competition and outperforming other students in Step Aerobics, most recently earning a spot on Varsity Power Walking. As noted by McWedgen, the Power Walking team is “the cat’s pajamas,” and he plans to have a “slammin’ season.” But his biggest achievement by far has been his national coaching title for ferret curling.
McWedgen, in order to brave the cold, wears fuzzy ankle and forearm warmers and an all-pink tracksuit with JUICY printed on its bottom, an outfit which he says “shows people how down and dope I am.” At the end of his daily half-mile walk, he unwinds by stretching and complaining loudly about how sore he is. “Exercise, however, is not enough,” says McWedgen, who practices excellent nutrition by following his ferret’s diet of food pellets and celery. All signs point to a fantastic power walking season for McWedgen, who at press time could be seen sewing together a matador costume for his ferret.

Jan 12, 2018