The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Meet the New Writers!

Sebastian Frankel ’20, known simply to the Andover community as “Frankel,” is the second-ranked Frankel on campus after school president and model Andover student Eastlyn Frankel ’18. He is a giraffe.

Grace MacShane ’20 still hasn’t grown out of her horse girl phase. Fake opens all of her Snapchats. Says she’s not like the other girls.

Will Leggat ’20 is a returning Lower whose hobbies range from being mistaken for Neville Longbottom to losing others’ attention halfway through sentences. A proud member of several club mailing lists, he spends most of his time ignoring or abandoning commitments. Regarding Lower year, Leggat ’20 says, “I’m really looking forward to the pain and suffering empathy and balance the Andover experience brings, and all the hardship inclusion along the way!”

Often described as “nice, but I don’t really know her,” Alexandra LeBaron ’20 can be found rearranging her Spotify playlists in silent study, drinking Arizona Iced Tea in the Den to “take the edge off,” and awkwardly deciding whether or not to say hi to people on the path.

Aidan Barber ’20 is secretly Batman.

Gwen Robinson ’20 says she’s from Dubai but hasn’t been there for 10 months. She’s not really sure where she lives, but the directory lists New Zealand. Gwen says she enjoys reading to seem intellectual but really doesn’t want to go out. She has lost her Lilly Pulitzer limited edition Swell bottle three times since the spring.

Uanne Chang ’20 was born in Plano, Tex. She is a new Lower and couldn’t be more ecstatic about Andover (#gobigblue #sayyestoandover #dontgointomorsewhengivingatour).

She has had a highly illustrious career — her accomplishments include making a video in seventh grade about solving math problems with pizza, friends, and a can-do attitude; placing third in her elementary school spelling bee; and writing this long run-on sentence to a) make it seem like she has a successful life even though that hasn’t been the case since she peaked in fifth grade, b) stretch the three sentence limit, and c) test the editors’ patience even though she’s not close enough with them to do that.

Alex Horvat ’20 is “the kid with the supreme backpack.”

Meet Margot Hutchins ’20, (another) white girl from Connecticut. When she isn’t watching Buzzfeed Tasty videos, Margot can be found at instructional dance, eating dry cereal alone in upper left, or watching Vine compilations in the stacks.

Sam Donchi ’20 is feeling super overwhelmed with his workload and current commitments and probably won’t be writing this term.

Sophie Huang ’20 is a new Lower from Kansas City (the Kansas one, not the Missouri one). Contrary to popular belief, she does not live on a farm, and the only cow that lives with her is her sister. Her hobbies include watching “The Bachelor in Paradise” every Monday during the summer, drawing blobfish all over whiteboards and taking naps that last too long.

Rachel Neplokh ’20, also known as Grace Posorske ’18’s roommate, is the one conservative from San Francisco. The “approachable” one in the friend group.

Zora Colleye ’20 is a professional procrastinator who likes to spend her time sitting in the library trying to find a good study playlist so that she can actually start working. Despite being a part of the cult known as the crew team (which doesn’t exist by the way), she also is a varsity instructional tennis player, where she participates in very difficult workouts, two to four days a week, depending on how often she can get out of it

Oct 20, 2017