The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Common Uses for The Phillipian

“HI THERE! MY NAME’S PHILLY. WHAT’S YOURS? YOU’RE PROBABLY WONDERING, “WHAT’S THIS LITTLE GUY DOING IN MY PAPER?” WELL, LET ME TELL YOU. I’M THE PHILLIPIAN’S OFFICIAL MASCOT, AND TODAY I’LL BE SHOWING YOU SOME OF THE MANY USES OF THE PHILLIPIAN BEYOND SIMPLY DELIVERING A WEEKLY DOSE OF NEWS TO THE PA COMMUNITY. SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY? CAN I STEAL YOU AWAY?”

Anti-U.S. propaganda in Pyongyang.

Stuffed in Cluster Deans’ shoes for additional height.

Used to show convicted felons that prison could be worse.

Firestarter in the annual Bonfire of the Vanities ASM.

Firestarter in post-graduation burning of Blue Books.

Substitute for Kleenex for when you’ve really gotta sneeze!

Mop for silly spills!

Oct 13, 2017