The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: 90% of Representatives at College Fair Look Lonely

Representatives from across the states were left feeling dejected at the college fair on Monday night after traveling hundreds of miles to watch big name universities hand out leaflets.
Although some were successful in making eye contact with the fair-goers, who were too polite to not take a pamphlet, others took to strategic placement of their booths. “I thought some of the students standing by my table seemed interested, but apparently they were just in the line for Stanford’s booth,” said Daniel Andrews, a representative for Wilderbury College in rural Indiana.
“There are Head Deans of Admission from some of the best schools in the country at this fair,” he continued, “and students would rather wait in line for thirty minutes to speak to an Ivy alum than talk to them.”
At press time, Andrews, desperate to inform some potential applicants about his college’s impressive statistics, was seen shoving application materials inside backpacks lined up around the edge of the Cage.

Apr 28, 2017