The Eighth Page

Features — Phillipian Satire: Deferred Student Still Hopeful

Recently deferred from her school of choice, Claire Guided ’17 declared today that she remains hopeful, understanding that the College Counseling Office will give her another long, thoughtful look and will likely come to a different conclusion.

“I think the college will be able to better understand my valuable skillsets with a fresh set of eyes. It’s a lot about luck the first time around, anyway,” claimed Miss Guided.

“Truth be told,” she continued, “not getting in is really just an opportunity to apply to a broader range of schools. It’s a big world out there, you know, and there are a lot of good places.” She added that “the college process is one grand experience to reflect on my growth as a person.”

Guided also noted that she is “a believer in fate, a glass-half-full kind of gal, a morning person,” and, although a Democrat, “an optimist about Trump’s presidency.”

When reached for further comment, Guided declined to respond, stating that she was “really just looking forward to grinding out her applications for regular decisions.”

Dec 16, 2016