Features

Features Predicts the Next Hottest Dance Moves

The Coat Rack

The Coat Rack is for the least social and most elusive dancers. In order to do the Coat Rack, you must dart around the dance floor and mosh pits, snatching up loose clothing items that have been discarded by fellow dancers. Quickly pluck the articles of clothing off the dance floor and drape them over your extended arms. Bonus points are awarded for any hats or glasses stolen. Then, shuffle around and gently pulsate your arms in a various different directions. Make sure to avoid all eye contact. Your shuffles must be quick because you will probably end up being chased by a crowd of angry, scantily-clothed people.

By the end of the night, you will have nabbed more clothing items than the lost-and-found in the basment of Commons.

The Wriggling Gazelle

For the Wriggling Gazelle, you must first make sure that your calf and hip muscles are well-toned in order to attract other aspiring gazelles. Then, stick out your left foot in a hoof-scraping motion. After that, simultaneously drag your foot back and buck your hips forward. Your arms should be extended and flopping along with the buck of your hips. In order to achieve its intended effect, you must repeat this over and over and over and over to the beat of the music for the duration of the song. Be patient; experts claim that the Wriggling Gazelle looks best when done in a herd, and if you are really advanced, you can even move forwards and backwards which has been proven to have an astonishingly high success rate. When mastered, the Wriggling Gazelle will give you an incredible rush of adrenaline to help you continue dancing all night.

The Guppy

For the Guppy Out of Water, you must round up a group of fellow guppies and lay on the floor in a circle. This circle must be in the middle of the dance floor, surrounding the mosh pit. Your group of guppies must sporadically jerk your upper bodies and legs upward at the same time. Be especially careful about synchronizing your moves since there could be seismic consequences. For optimal effect, put your hair down so that your locks will whip around when you flop. This dance move may hurt a bit from smacking against the floor, but your guppies will have so many pieces of bait to eat that it will be well worth the pain.
Additionally, the Guppy Out of Water has the benefit of being a rigorous back workout.

Jan 22, 2016